Sunday, October 12, 2008

MURPHY'S LAWS OF MOTHERHOOD

AS EVERY MOTHER KNOWS THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS THAT ARE JUST GOING TO BE OUT OF OUR CONTROL SO WE MAY AS WELL SURRENDER YOUR CONTROL FREAK NATURE (I AM DEFINITELY INCLUDING MYSELF IN THIS CATEGORY) AND FIND THE IRONY AND HUMOR IN EACH SITUATION THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO BANG YOUR HEAD ON THE WALL. HERE ARE A FEW SITUATIONS THAT FIT THIS DESCRIPTION FROM MY HOUSE:
  1. WHEN YOU DO BEND THE RULES AND ALLOW CHILDREN TO EAT IN THE DEN IN FRONT OF THE TV FOR MOVIE NIGHT, SOMETHING WILL INDEED BE SPILLED ON THE CARPET.
  2. THE ONE TIME YOU ALLOW YOUR 4 YEAR OLD TO RIDE HIS BIKE WITHOUT A HELMET HE WILL LOOSE HIS BALANCE , FALL AND SPLIT HIS EYE BROW REQUIRING AN EMERGENCY ROOM VISIT. IT DOES NOT MATTER THAT YOU WERE ONLY LETTING HIM TRY OUT HIS NEW BIKE BY RIDING TO THE END OF THE STREET WITH HIS DAD RIDING RIGHT BESIDE HIM ON HIS BIKE. WE LEARNED THIS LAW WITH THE FIRST CHILD. POOR THING, HE HAD TO BE OUR TEST CHILD FOR EVERYTHING!
  3. IF YOU TELL YOUR 4 YEAR OLD TO GET DRESSED BEFORE HIS DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT BUT DO NOT SPECIFICALLY SAY, "PUT ON UNDERWEAR", DON'T BE SURPRISED WHEN THE NURSE PULLS DOWN HIS SHORTS TO GIVE HIM A VACCINATION AND DISCOVERS THAT HE LIKES TO GO COMMANDO!
  4. IF YOU FINALLY TAKE YOUR BEAUTIFUL WHITE DOWN COMFORTER OFF OF YOUR BED, TAKE IT TO THE LAUNDRY MAT TO USE THE BIG COMMERCIAL FRONT LOAD WASHER AND LARGE DRYER TO CARE FOR IT PROPERLY, THEN PLACE IT BACK ON YOUR BED AND ENJOY THAT CLEAN FRESH SMELL, A CHILD WILL COME IN YOUR ROOM TO TELL YOU THAT THEY WANT TO LAY WITH YOU BECAUSE THEIR TUMMY HURTS. THEN A FEW HOURS LATER THEY WILL WAKE YOU AND TELL YOU, "MOM, I HAD A LITTLE POO POO ACCIDENT BUT I CHANGED MY UNDERWEAR MYSELF". NEEDLESS TO SAY, YOUR COMFORTER IS NOT SO FRESH ANYMORE!
  5. NOW ONE FOR THE DAD'S. IF YOU ARE INDEED THE PARENT THAT HAS TO TAKE A SICK 2 YEAR OLD TO THE DOCTOR, DO NOT WEAR ELASTIC WASTE SWEAT PANTS WITHOUT SECURING THE DRAW STRING. WHILE YOU ARE STANDING AT THE OFFICE WINDOW GIVING INSURANCE INFORMATION, YOUR SICK AND CRANKY CHILD WILL WANT TO BE HELD AND WILL PULL AT YOUR PANTS. YOU WILL MOON ALL THE MOTHERS SITTING IN THE WAITING AREA. IF THIS DOES HAPPEN TO YOU, DON'T TELL YOUR WIFE. SHE WILL LAUGH ABOUT IT FOREVER AND POST IT ON THE FAMILY BLOG. WE ALL KNOW IF THIS HAD HAPPENED TO HER, THE SICK CHILD WOULD NEVER HAVE SEEN THE DOCTOR THAT DAY AND WE WOULD HAVE CHANGED PEDIATRICIANS IMMEDIATELY!

BUT NOW WE MOVE ON TO THE LAWS OF MOTHERHOOD THAT WE THANK GOD FOR EVERYDAY...

  1. WHEN YOU HAVE A LONG, HARD DAY AND FEEL UNAPPRECIATED FOR ALL YOU DO, YOUR LITTLE BOY WILL HUG YOU SO TIGHT WHEN YOU PICK HIM UP FROM PRE-SCHOOL AND GIVE YOU A HANDFUL OF ROCKS HE PICKED OUT FOR YOU ON THE PLAYGROUND BECAUSE HE THOUGHT YOU WOULD THINK THEY WERE PRETTY.
  2. WHEN YOU WATCH YOUR CHILD IN A SCHOOL PERFORMANCE THAT YOU WERE SURPRISED HE TRIED OUT FOR BECAUSE HE CAN TEND TO BE SHY SOMETIMES, YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO STOP SMILING EVEN IF YOU TRIED. YOU'LL LOOK OVER AT DAD HOLDING THE VIDEO CAMERA AND SEE THAT SAME SMILE ON HIS FACE.
  3. IF YOU HAVE A HEADACHE AND ARE TRYING TO LAY DOWN FOR A BIT TO SEE IF A LITTLE NAP WILL CLEAR IT UP, YOUR CHILDREN WILL BRING YOU THINGS TO HELP YOU FEEL BETTER. THINGS LIKE A GLASS OF WATER, A PIECE OF HARD CANDY THAT IS GREEN AND "TASTE LIKE A LEAF SO IT MUST BE MEDICINE", THEIR FAVORITE BLANKET OR STUFFED ANIMAL. THESE THINGS DO MORE TO HELP YOUR HEADACHE THAN THE IBUPROFEN DID!
  4. THOSE HOMEMADE CARDS YOU GET FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY ARE YOUR FAVORITES AND YOU WILL SAVE THEM FOREVER.
  5. AT THE END OF THE DAY WHEN YOU ARE SPENT AND ARE TUCKING YOUR BABIES IN BED JUST WAITING FOR A MINUTE TO SIT DOWN AND RELAX, YOUR CHILD WILL ASK FOR ONE MORE STORY. YOU REALLY WANT SOME DOWN TIME BUT YOU DECIDE TO BEND THE RULES AND READ ONE MORE WHEN THE BOOK HE ASKS FOR IS RUNAWAY BUNNY. WHAT MOM DOES NOT LOVE TO READ THAT ONE WITH HER BABY OVER AND OVER!

6 comments:

Buzzings of a Queen Bee! said...

I love the commando reference! My daughter is still in diapers but I can just see this coming...especially on days when daddy dresses her! Hilarious! :)
Carrie

Buzzings of a Queen Bee! said...

P.S. Just saw your other comment...about the kitchen cabinets. Mine are just white, no glaze. I used the company "Aya," which was the only option that my builder had when we were building the house. But I am very happy with them, and they are NOT super-expensive as far as cabinets go. I can also tell you that Home Depot has decent cabinets...we used them in our last house when we renovated. I hope that helps!
Carrie

Grannalisa said...

What a sweet post. You are so funny- you should write a book!! You capture the essence of real life!!

Amy said...

Love this post. I was watching Parenthood with Steve Martin the other day (the last scene always makes me cry). I love it when the grandmother talks about how she likes the roller coaster instead of the merry go round. I love this roller coaster ride of motherhood. I can't imagine life any other way.

Tammy said...

How precious...I think you captured motherhood perfectly...hope to see you sometime soon!!!!

3 Peanuts said...

Oh this made me laugh so hard. Thank you!

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